I think nudism and sex does get mixed up sometimes. I think that in Europe and particularly in Germany the people are more in touch with themselves and more comfortable with nudity. I remember walking round the Englische Garten in Munich some years ago. It was full of nudists and naked people just enjoying themselves the same way in which clothed people would. No one batted an eyelid and its probably how nudism was intended to be. I cannot for the life of me imagine the same scene in London's Hyde Park. Well I can, but it wouldn't be pretty.
The point of nudism surely is the sense of freedom and the choice to remove clothes, go for a swim and just generally chill out. I am not sure what all the fuss is about. I wonder sometimes why people go to extraordinary lengths just to get naked even in mid winter when any fool can see its best to wrap up warm.
There is a certain element of voyeurism in naturism. I am convinced of this. Most of it is harmless and mild but endless photos of guys seeking pleasure in having their photos taken - standing straight, arm on hip, staring out to sea - the emphasis on 'look at my willy' is really not a good promotion of nudism in general. Even nude on a beach, I would prefer my lower half left out of the picture but would have no objections to being photographed fully in a group with others naked. I would not like to be photographed posing just for the sake of it. This has nothing to do with not being ashamed or being ashamed of anything.
Nudists who make a habit of this attract ridicule and do naturism no favours. In the United Kingdom there are several nudist beaches. Unfortunately, these beaches inevitably attract the 'man in mac' types and all the nudists tend to be bunched up into some signposted area with big read warning signs as if the occupants of this part of the beach are abnormal. Even more disturbing is that they are almost always against a backdrop of sand dunes. Look closely and you can see the glint of light shining off the array of binoculars and bird watchers amongst the grass - sadly they are not seeking the feathered birds. I am sorry if I paint a sorry and seedy picture of nudism in the UK. There are of course places where you can find secluded locations and out of the way places where you can relax and enjoy nudism as it should be enjoyed.
Having enjoyed naturism in the past in countries where the climate and environment is more condusive to feeling the wind between ones legs, I am not against naturism in any way at all. For me naturism is a personal thing. Perhaps something to be enjoyed with a group of friends or whenever the occassion lends itself. It is not something that will cause me to run off in desperation to find the nearest place to remove my clothes.
So, nudism and sex. The two are tied obviously - I hear you gasp. Look around the internet to try and find a reasonable naturist site such as this one and you find endless exploits of photos of naturists, nudist videos for sale and nudist sites designed for people to come and oggle.
Great if your a voyeur and this is what you want. How many genuine naturists have posted their nude pics somewhere on the net only to find that they end up on some porn site or adult image bank. Failing that, and I am sorry to be blunt, but how many end up decorating someones desktop and objects of lust and desire by people saving money on buying the latest Playboy mag.
Naturists need to be careful. If your footloose and fancy free and really don't give a damn thats fine but what happens when you get married, have kids maybe, and then, lo and behold your 9 year old photo of you naked is found plastered all over some website. Believe me, it happens.
The reason why naturism and sex go hand in hand is the reason we have naturist clubs that do not generally accept single men. The safety and security factor of such clubs provides a better environment for nudists. There are also plenty of 'swingers' who are into naturism in a big way. Naturists attract the wrong types. Its a fact. Another reason why clubs are so popular. Seclusion is a kind of protection. It is such a shame that it has to be this way. If our society were more liberal and we had all become used to naturism and nudism in the parks and streets of our land then perhaps many more would be encouraged to shed their clothing.
And finally, naturism is all about getting back to nature? I am not so sure. What I do find funny is naturists wandering around a supermarket carrying shopping bags, wearing sun shades, a watch, shoes or trainers and not a stitch of clothing. Surely, that was never meant to be. It cannot be too hygienic in a supermarket surely.
30.6.08
Nudism and Sex
Excess Vaginal Wetness - What are Your Options
Vaginal Wetness during Sex: YOU MAY BE WETTER THAN NECESSARY!
Most of us assume that sex is best when wet, but are you feeling as much as you could be from intercourse? Just like a car engine, there is an upper and lower range that is required for maximum performance.
Too much natural lubrication (wetness) during sex reduces pleasure for both partners. Females lose greater stimulation along the vaginal walls. Men lose out on the corresponding 'tight' sensation that they love. We all have an optimum level of friction that is required to enable heightened pleasure for both partners, thus leading to easier climax. This level of stimulation can most easily be obtained by experimenting with your wetness level. Sex could be much more satisfying than what you think it already is.
A woman's wetness level increases naturally as arousal increases. But for some ladies, even the slightest turn-on is enough to produce an extravagant amount of lubrication. If excess wetness is a problem for you, OR if you wish to simply experiment with different levels of wetness, seeking the most pleasurable 'tight' sensation for your man, what can you do?
First, realize that there is more involved in sex than just the intercourse part of it. More women achieve orgasms by clitoral stimulation than by intercourse. However, intercourse is an intimate act & should be satisfying when possible. If it is not enjoyable, then a couple will more than likely become romantically distant. This is the beginning of marriage deterioration.
Secondly, you should see your doctor to be sure there is no infection, abnormalities, or other problem causing your excess wetness, especially if it is something new. Don't take chances!
Medical Options:
The most radical solution to excess wetness is surgery. This should be your last resort, & is rarely necessary. Other medical procedures include freezing or lasering the cervix to reduce secretions, electrical stimulation, & treatment with magnetic fields. These treatments can variously be painful, costly, & time consuming. There is no guarantee of success or that the problem will not return.
Non-Medical Options:
There are numerous options, but few realistic ones. Here are some common things couples try (including some "old wives tales") & comments about their effectiveness.
1) Anything that dries up the mouth. In general, if it dries the mouth, then it will also affect the vagina somewhat. Examples would be decongestants, antihistamines, cold formulas, certain antidepressants, alcohol, cigarettes, & marijuana. While these may work to some degree, wetness & corresponding tightness levels are not controllable, not to mention that a dry mouth is not as tasty during kissing & is more conductive to bad breath due to lack of saliva.
2) Try an Alum Douche. We've heard of this, but don't know any doctor recommending it. Alum acts to contract walls of vagina, but can be irritating & cause yeast infections. There's no way to judge how long it will last nor a way to control the extent of tightening
3) Use a ribbed condom or penis sleeve. Excess wetness remains a problem with or without a condom. Penis sleeves help the man feel more, but tends to numb the woman's vagina after a few minutes, making her uncomfortable.
4) Douche with plain water. This has some impact by reducing the amount of natural lubrication, but the effect tends to vanish as the woman's arousal increases, resulting in secretion of even more lubrication.
5) Insert a sponge or cloth. One of the more embarrassing techniques as it must be done intermittently. Couples find this a big turn off. The technique though, is to wrap a thin sheet/towel around a couple of fingers. Insert the fingers to soak up vaginal wetness. Proceed with intercourse. Repeat as necessary. While this method does work, re-entry of vagina is difficult & painful because this method absorbs ALL the lubrication. Within a few minutes however, as arousal increases again, there will once again be too much wetness. With this method, there is no way of controlling the desired level of wetness & tightness.
6) Use of a fan blowing on the genital area. Not a practical solution, as it primarily results in making the couple cold, while having little impact on internal vaginal secretions.
7) Use of birth control pills. An old wives tale without any validity.
8) Repositioning her body. Certain positions, such as closing of the legs, act to tighten the vagina, but unless the man has a longer than average penis, he will find it far less satisfying due to shallower penetration.
9) Insert an ice cube into the vagina to cause muscle contraction. Another old wives tale, not to mention the obvious discomfort.
10) Vaginal Cones. Very similar in concept to kegal exercises. The idea here is to exercise the vaginal muscles by holding an object inside the vagina by flexing the interior muscles. Increasingly heavier weights can be placed inside. The theory is sound, but females have a difficult time staying on this type of program long enough to be of benefit, not to mention that like any muscle, if it is not continually worked, it will lose its strength. The other disadvantage is that to be of benefit during intercourse, the female must consciously flex her interior muscles, thus taking away from her ability to relax & enjoy the act of intercourse itself.
11) Creams. There are a couple of these on the internet now being marketed under many different names. If you already suffer from excess wetness, adding a cream to the existing problem is not going to help. Manufacturers say the creams have a tightening effect on the vagina within 15-30 minutes, but evidence shows that any NOTICEABLE tightening effects is minimal to none. Application of the cream to the interior walls of the vagina is difficult, embarrassing & must be properly timed to correspond with intercourse. Some of the creams contain benzocaine, alum or Vaseline, none of which are recommended for being inserted into the vagina. To check out more on these creams, look on the internet under 'vaginal tightening.'
12) AbsorbShun natural powder. Is an 'all-natural' powder that either the man or woman can apply to the man's penis. It is simple & quick to use, & has a noticeable moisture absorbing effect within 1-2 minutes. The more powder used, the more absorption, thus allowing the couple to find (and control) their most preferred moisture & tightness level. For more information on this product, go to www.absorbshun.com
Whatever option you choose, you should look for a solution that is satisfactory for both partners. Finding the right level of lubrication can lead to greater sexual pleasure, more frequent sex, & a closer relationship between partners.
http://www.absorbshun.com
I personally suffered from excess vaginal wetness during sex. It allows little-to-no satisfaction for either partner, by removing most of the feeling during intercourse.
We began our search for a remedy, which literally took years, by visiting our family physician, who referred us to a gynecologist. Upon recieving a clean bill of health, she explained that short of having laser surgery, (which itself is not even guaranteed to last or even work in the first place) there is nothing that can be done.
Not being satisfied with this answer, we continued our search by contacting adult stores and perusing the internet. We came across many 'experts' addressing this very issue with other inquiring females. The typical responses are "be grateful that you don't need a lubricant, most women do" or "Women are supposed to be wet, the wetter the better." These uncompassionate responses simply indicate a lack of understanding as to exactly how much the excess wetness affects our sex, intimacy and relationship in general. We are now experts ourselves in this area.
Learn How To Start Fingering Yourself Today Starting From Scratch
If you masturbate, but you're just not succeeding in pleasuring yourself as much as you deserve to, then this could be once of the most interesting articles you ever read.
In the following article I'm going to detail the first steps required to succeed in fingering yourself, even if you're never done it before, even if don't have any knowledge about it, even if you're just curious.
Lesson 1: Set Aside Some Time Alone:
This is very important (Well each lesson is very important, otherwise I wouldn't bother mentioning it :) ). If you're just starting out, I would recommend that you plan when you are going to do it. When you become more experienced with masturbating, you will easily be able to do it more spontaneously.
Say for example, you plan to try it after work on a Friday night. This way you can take as much time as you want and not have to worry about keeping track of time as you don't have to go to work tomorrow.
Lesson 2: Don't Be Disturbed:
Obviously this one can sometimes be out of your control, especially if you don't live alone. But, a lot of this can be controlled effectively.
The 2 major points that I can think of are, firstly, locking the door. There's nothing more disturbing (Not to mention embarrassing) than being caught masturbating.
Secondly, unplug the phone and turn off your mobile phone. Again, very disturbing and annoying having to pick up the phone while you're "busy".
Lesson 3: Don't Be Afraid To Experiment:
Experimenting is good, so you should do it whenever you feel like it. If you want to try something new, then go for it. As long as it wont cause you any physical pain or damage then try it, you never know what you might discover.
Lesson 4: Create An Atmosphere:
Creating an atmosphere can (And should be) distracting. By this I mean, it should make you feel as though you are in a state of complete relaxation.
How can this be achieved? Easy.
Just put on a soft music cd and perhaps light some scented candles. This is a sure way to put you in a comfortable place.
Lesson 5: Relax, It's Not A Race:
Some people think that they HAVE to have an orgasm while masturbating. Well that's simple not true. Masturbation is about pleasuring yourself.
Orgasms are the climax i.e. the highest point of pleasure during sexual activity, but they are not necessary. There's nothing wrong with you if you don't have an orgasm for a very long time, if at all your first few times.
Just concentrate on how nice it feels and if you have an orgasm, great, but if you don't then don't worry yourself about it, you can always try again later. It's not a big deal.
In time you will know what you like and how you like it, then you can just repeat, over and over again : )
By Stephen Warren
How To Use A Vibrator
There are many different ways to use a vibrator, it is impossible to list them all becuase it lies up to the imagination! Be creative and let your inhibitions go and explore your sexuality to it's full extent. There are however some tips that will ensure a completely satisfying experience:
The first and most important factor in a pleasurable experience is proper lubrication. Always use a water based personal lubricant with your vibrator for comfort and that slippery feel. Natural lubrication is often not enough and that could cause discomfort.
In fact, the major reason why women report that they do not enjoy vibrators is becuase they did not use personal lubricant! Always make sure your personal lubricant is water based because silicone lubricant will ruin silicone vibrators, and petroleum lubricant will ruin virtually any vibrator material. It is safe to use a flavoured lubricant and many women enjoy flavoured lubricant becuase it adds an enjoyable sweet smell. Shop discreetly for personal lubricant at http://www.TheAdultToyShoppe.com.
You can use a vibrator anally but it is not recommended due to the unsanitary aspect of using a vibrator in your anus then inserting it directly into the vagina without proper cleaning first. There are harmful bacteria that could cause infections. You can use a vibrator anally if you wash it with sex toy cleaner first before inserting it into the vagina. It is always best to stay on the safe side and buy anal toys for anal use only and keep your vibrator for vaginal use only.
A Few Tips:
- Never share a vibrator unless you put a condom on it first
- Use a rabbit vibrator upside down, meaning use the clitoral stimulator 'rabbit ears' to stimulate your anus, another erogenous zone for amazing sensations!
- If you are using a waterproof vibrator, make sure the battery case is closed tightly because if water enters, it will ruin the motor, but no, you will not electrocute yourself!
- Check out the selection of high quality vibrators at http://www.TheAdultToyShoppe.com
By Danielle
Discover The Secret Power of Sexual Perception
Let's dive into this stuff right now!
If you want to get the Sexual Perception, you need to do just two things:
1. Send Strong "lust-generating" Signals (achieved by your words, actions, reactions, etc) She needs to get certain messages from you. And each individual message is an ingredient for cooking up a powerful recipe that you are someone she wants sexually. It is the recipe that you are Sexually Desirable.
2. Direct her Mind State - She needs to feel a certain way. If she thinks you are Sexually Desirable, but she doesn't feel a Certain Way at the right time, then she will not be motivated enough to allow anything to happen. You must discover how to sexually inspire her. It really comes down to every word you say (and what that means to her) and how you respond to her (and what that means to her) and how you act around her (and what that means to her) and how you stand out (and what that means to her).
That's the basics.
Remember those two things.
If your sex life is suffering, then chances are your partner doesn't have a strong sexual perception of you. Trying to brainwash yourself into thinking it is something else [(1) she just has a low libido (2) she is getting older (3) her hormones hasn't kicked in yet (4) any very convincing excuse] will preserve your ego.
But...
It WILL NOT solve your existing problem. The fact will still remain that she will not have the Needed & Special Perception that makes her more open to sexual activities.
Being in denial protects your precious ego, but it does not address the real problem.
Remember she is a female designed to crave sex when stimulated a Certain Way. She can get intensely horny even on the lowest peak of her monthly libido cycle!
Fact: Men get intensely stimulated by how a woman looks.
Fact: Women get intensely stimulated by how a man makes her feel & and how she feels about him.
There are too many silly techniques out there that focus on specific scripts or pick up lines - Yes even in 2005.
You need to know the psychology behind the whole process - the reason why. Here's an analogy.
If you live in New York and you want to go to Los Angeles - Would you focus on getting a Red Mercedes Benz, because with it you can drive to LA?
Or would you focus on getting transportation?
Hopefully you realize that focusing on transportation allows for more (or infinite) possibilities...
A Red Mercedes Benz may be cool, but chances are there are more effective ways of getting there. And those ways may be cheaper, quicker, more fun, etc.
I've seen guys (thinly disguises as seduction experts) actually instructing guys to tell women specific scripts. That is the foundation of their instructions.
How insane is that?
That is no different than trying to get to LA from NY by focusing only on trying to use a Red Mercedes Benz as the transportation method.
If you are seeking the solution, the botton line has to be the focus. If you are seeking ways to get sexual perception check out Super Sex Power.
By CR James
What Is A Rabbit Vibrator? Why Are Rabbit Vibrators So Popular?
How To Use A Vibrating Egg or Bullet Vibrator - Why Are They So Good For My Sex Life?
How To Use A Butt Plug and Why Are Butt Plugs So Popular?
The anus is a very powerful erogenous zone for men and women alike. The anus is filled with sensitive nerve endings and butt plugs are designed specifically to stimulate these nerve endings. Butt plugs are also used to give a feeling of fullness in the anus with contributes to sexual arousal and an incredibly powerful orgasm for both men and women. For men, butt plugs massage the prostate. For women, the presence of a butt plug tightens the vagina and feels especially pleasurable during sexual intercourse.
All butt plugs have a similar format, a small dildo-like object with a flared base. The flared base is to prevent the anal toy from being sucked into the rectum. The anus is a sphincter blocking the rectum and the rectum will suck in anything inserted into it, that would cause a very embarrasing trip to the emergency room! On that note, you should never insert anything into the anus that does not have a flared base or a retreival handle. Butt plugs are available for viewing or for purchase from http://www.TheAdultToyShoppe.com in the Anal Toys Section.
To use a butt plug is simple, you apply a generous quantity of water based lubricant and insert very carefully and slowly, not to harm the delicate anal tissue. With patience and a gentle touch, the anal muscles will be used to the feeling of the butt plug going in and you will be used to the amazing feeling of the fullness a butt plug will give.
A very popular variation to the butt plug is the vibrating butt plug. There is a vibrating egg embedded in the plug. There have been nothing but amazing reviews about vibrating butt plugs and they are rapidly becoming hot sellers and extremely popular. Vibrating butt plugs will send you into orgasmic ecstacy!
Most vibrating butt plugs have multi speed controllers to control the vibrations. A tip while using a vibrating butt plug: Keep the vibrations low during arousal and turn it up as high as it will go at the time of orgasm. This will result in an unexplainably thrilling orgasm!
The inflatable butt plug is for those who truly enjoy the fullness in the rectum. Inflatable butt plugs are great becuase they insert through the anus at as a regular sized butt plug, then with the use of a hand pump, they inflate in the rectum.
They can inflate to sizes that would be downright painful to insert through the anal sphincter, providing the anal enthusiast with the ultimate in anal staisfaction. Inflatable butt plugs are also becoming very popular and are hot sellers.
Butt plug tips you should know:
- It is very important to use water-based lubricant becuase the anus does not lubricate itself like the vagina does and will not be able to expel silicone or petroluem based personal lubricant. This could cause irritation and discomfort.
- Butt plugs are not meant to be moved in and out the same way a vibrator is intended, rather a butt plug is meant to be placed and to hold still and 'fill' up the anal cavity, providing intense sensations and extremely powerful and satisfying orgasms. Some people like the butt plug to be jiggled around, especially men becuase this massages their prostate.
- Small sized butt plugs are good for training the anus but they do have a tendancy to fall out, if this is the case, it is recommended to upgrade to a larger butt plug with more girth.
- Check out the selection of butt plugs in the Anal Toys section at http://www.TheAdultToyShoppe.com
If you have any more questions about butt plugs or their use please do not hesitate to email us at: customer.service@theadulttoyshoppe.com. We will be happy to answer any questions you may have!
By Danielle Green
XXX Adult Videos - A Review of the Nina Hartley Series
People often view xxx adult videos solely in the light of pornography. However, there is an emerging genre of xxx adult videos that falls under the class of sexual health. What makes these xxx adult videos so provocative is that in addition to their instructional qualities, they still maintain a highly charged, visually erotic, sexually stimulating atmosphere. Nina Hartley, porn star legend, has created a series of educational xxx adult videos that have house-wives everywhere singing her praises.
The fact is Nina Hartley is more than just an Adult film star. She is also a registered nurse who graduated magna cum laude from San Francisco State University. Needless to say, having made over 475 xxx adult movies gives her extensive knowledge of sexuality and sex education. Nina Hartley's xxx adult videos are filled with captivating, imaginative and quality instructions.
Even better, these how-to guides are tantalizing and sensuously appealing, definitely arousing the libido of any couple seeking to enhance their sexual literacy. Nina Hartley's series of xxx adult videos leaves no topic untouched. She has videos that cover topics from bondage, oral sex to lap dancing. These step-by-step instructional videos also include spanking, domination and swinging.
Nina Hartley's xxx adult videos demonstrate advanced sexual techniques that can be explored by any man or woman. The videos are deliciously explicit and highly graphical in detail. She explains each technique and adds tips from her very own work experiences.
And that's not all, the collection comes complete with dozens of erotic techniques to explore and experiment within the privacy of your own home. If you're seeking a rewarding sex life, then Nina Hartley's instructional xxx adult videos are packed with creative techniques that shows you how to have the best heart-pounding sex of your life. Join other couples on their journey to sexual literacy and explore steamy lovemaking techniques.
4.6.08
The Top Ten Secrets For Great Sex
1. Guys: Great sex starts in the kitchen! Wash the dishes, take out the trash, give her a break, let her know she's appreciated. Romance and exhaustion do not mix -- think about it! (Besides, standing there, side by side, washing and drying those dishes, hands could get to roamin' and motors could get to tickin' ...the most amazing things do happen!)
2. Gals: Tell that old fool just exactly what you've been waiting for! Most males are notoriously poor mind readers, they just don't "get it". So tell him! "A little softer" or "let me show you" goes much further than, "How come you never know what I want?"
3. Guys: Take time! Sex is about fun, relaxation, laughter and love -- this is not a competition or a 50-yard dash to the finish line! Start slow, let it build, then finish strong. A glass of wine, maybe some music, a backrub, even a few minutes of silence can shift the mood and make things verrrry interesting!!
4. Gals: Make Time! How often does sex happen last thing at night, with two exhausted people trying to find each other in the dark? Or, first thing in the morning, half asleep, with bad breath? If sex is important, why not treat it like getting your haircut or picking the kids up after school? In other words, schedule time, put it on the calendar and treat it as a key part of keeping yourself and the family running smoothly.
5. Guys: Think about your 4th date with the woman you love, after you were well acquainted but everything still felt new and exciting. Remember thinking about it, scheduling it, making dinner reservations? Remember being on time? Did you bring flowers, maybe plan something romantic or special? Remember taking a shower and using cologne? Well, guess what -- she's still special and she's still waiting!
6. Gals: If you want great sex, seduce him! This is not rocket science! Most guys are sooooo easy. They're "visual" -- show him what he likes. They're easily flattered -- whisper what he wants to hear. Touch him right there, or if you prefer, right THERE!!! Tease him, just don't be a tease.
7. Guys: Surprise her. Women love that. And, the beauty is, almost anything will work. Surprise her with flowers, with a card, get a baby-sitter for the evening, put a note on the windshield of her car. Even surprise her by cleaning the bathroom! Almost anything will work, just be kind, be gentle, and put a little thought into it.
8. Gals: With all the talk about "size", remember that a man's biggest sex organ is his imagination -- so use your own! Everyone has fantasies -- some romantic, some kinky, maybe even a few that are slightly dangerous or outrageous. What are yours? And, what are his? Why not play dress-up? Why not go on a date with someone "new"?
9. Guys: I just told the gals you have a great imagination -- don't make me a liar! Use it! How long has it been since you had sex in the back seat of a Ford? Would she enjoy a date with a spy? Being seduced by a plumber or "the cable guy"? Is your shower big enough for two? Ever done it at the office -- how about her office?
10. Gals: Take time to add variety and spice with tasteful magazines, toys, movies and beautiful lingerie. For most people (including men) pornography quickly turns into a turn-off, but a little satin and lace, maybe some sensual pictures or using common household items in a whole new way can sure add delight to the old routine. Explore, experiment, lock the bedroom door and play some brand new games! As they say, "Just do it!"
20.4.08
Safe Sex
Safe sex means making sure you don't get anyone else's blood, semen, vaginal fluids, or breast milk in your body -- and protecting your partners too! Condoms, latex surgical gloves, and plastic wrap are the only ways to protect yourself and your partner from STDs and HIV, but they're not foolproof. You've got to use them correctly every time you have sex.
The best condoms for anal and vaginal intercourse are lubricated latex condoms. We do not recommend lambskin condoms because they don’t block HIV and STDs. Polyurethane condoms are good, but may not protect as well as latex (they are still being tested). If you're allergic to latex, please see "Trouble Shooting." Using lubricant will make things go smoother and give you added protection. Lube is especially great for women the first time you have intercourse, or if you tend to get sore. But always use a water-based lube (such as KY Jelly, Astroglide, Aqua Lube, Wet, Foreplay, or Probe). Oil breaks latex. Don't use vaseline, hand creams or lotions as a lubricant. Also, treatments for yeast infections contain oil and will break latex. Oil is good for salads and cars, not for sex! You can buy water-based lube and condoms at the drugstore.
Always use a condom
If you're going to suck your partner's dick (blowjob), put a condom on it first. Try non-lubricated or flavored condoms for this. Whatever you do, don't get semen (cum) in your mouth, because you could get an STD or HIV that way. If you have a sore throat or small cuts on your gums (say from brushing your teeth), there's a risk of HIV going from the semen into your blood stream.
If you're doing someone with a sex toy -- vegetable, dildo, vibrator, or whatever -- put a condom on that thing! Don't switch the toy from butthole to vagina, or from one person's body to another, until you put a new condom on it.
Some people think that putting on a condom is too much work when you're supposed to be having fun. But it's easy for condoms to be really fun and erotic. Be creative!
Get ready. Make sure your condoms are fresh -- check the expiration date. Throw away condoms that have expired, been very hot, carried around in your wallet, or washed in the washer. If you think the condom might not be good, get a new one. You and your partner are worth it.
That dick has to be hard before you put a condom on it.
Open it. Tear open the package carefully, so you don't rip the condom. Careful if you use your teeth.
If the penis is uncut (uncircumcised), pull the foreskin back first.
Make sure the condom is right side out. It's like a sock: there's a right side and wrong side. First unroll it about half an inch to see in which direction it is unrolling. Then put it on. It should unroll easily down your dick. If you start off wrong, try again with a new condom. You'll see when you practice.
Hold the top half-inch of the condom between your fingers when you roll it down. This keeps out air bubbles, which can cause the condom to break. It also leaves a space at the end for the cum.
Roll the condom down as far as it will go. It should reach the base of the penis near the balls
For anal intercourse, use lots of lube. Water-based lube is great for vaginal intercourse, too. Put the lube on after you put on the condom, not before -- the condom could slip off. Add more lube often. Dry condoms break more easily.
Guys -- when you pull out hold the condom near your balls so it doesn't slip off. Try to pull out while you're still hard. Take the condom off only after you are completely out of your partner.
Throw out the used condom right away. Use a condom only once. Never use the same condom for vaginal and anal intercourse. Never use a condom that has been in, or used by someone else. Never cum more than once in the same condom.
Guys, practice putting on a condom in a comfortable place where you have plenty of time by yourself. You know what we mean! Practice makes perfect, and you'll impress your partner. Girls, practice putting a condom on a banana.
Safe Your Self
If you don't have any clean needles, try to find a clean-needle exchange program in your area (check Resources for Drug/Needle Exchange). As a last resort, you can clean your needles and works with bleach and water. Here's how:
Step 1: Fill syringe with water.
Step 2: Shake it up to rinse it. Tap it to get out air bubbles.
Step 3: Shoot the water out. Dump out this water. Repeat steps 2 and three until you can't see
any blood.
Step 4: Pour some bleach into a glass. Stick the needle in the bleach and draw the bleach through
the syringe up to the top. Leave the needle in the glass of bleach and wait 30 seconds.
Step 5: Shoot the bleach back into the glass. Dump out this glass of bleach so you won't reuse it.
Step 6: Fill the syringe again with new water, shoot it out and repeat at least 3 times to make
sure you rinse all the bleach out. Shooting bleach into your veins can cause serious
medical problems.
If you don't have new works, do the same thing with them-rinse with water, soak in bleach for 30 seconds, then rinse THOROUGHLY with water.
And always use new cotton. Try to clean needles & works as soon after use as possible, before blood can clot on them
Alternative to Safe Sex
Some groups, notably some American evangelical Christians and the Roman Catholic Church oppose sex outside marriage, and object to safe-sex education programs because they believe that providing such education promotes promiscuity. Virginity pledges and sexual abstinence education programs are often promoted in lieu of contraceptives and safe-sex education programs. This can place some teenagers at higher risk of unintended pregnancy and STDs, because up to 60 percent of teenagers who pledge virginity until marriage do engage in pre-marital sex and are then one-third less likely to use contraceptives than their peers who have received more conventional sex education.
STDs may also be transmitted through non-sexual means. Thus, abstinence from sexual behavior does not guarantee complete protection against STDs. For example, HIV may be transmitted through contaminated needles used in tattooing, body piercing, or injections. Medical or dental procedures using contaminated instruments can also spread HIV, while some health-care workers have acquired HIV through occupational exposure to accidental injuries with needles.
Sex Education
What are the aims of sex education?
Sex education seeks both to reduce the risks of potentially negative outcomes from sexual behaviour like unwanted or unplanned pregnancies and infection with sexually transmitted diseases, and to enhance the quality of relationships. It is also about developing young people's ability to make decisions over their entire lifetime. Sex education that works, by which we mean that it is effective, is sex education that contributes to this overall aim.
What skills should sex education develop?
If sex education is going to be effective it needs to include opportunities for young people to develop skills, as it can hard for them to act on the basis of only having information.
The kinds of skills young people develop as part of sex education are linked to more general life-skills. For example, being able to communicate, listen, negotiate, ask for and identify sources of help and advice, are useful life-skills and can be applied in terms of sexual relationships. Effective sex education develops young people's skills in negotiation, decision-making, assertion and listening. Other important skills include being able to recognise pressures from other people and to resist them, deal with and challenge prejudice, seek help from adults - including parents, carers and professionals - through the family, community and health and welfare services. Sex education that works, also helps equip young people with the skills to be able to differentiate between accurate and inaccurate information, discuss a range of moral and social issues and perspectives on sex and sexuality, including different cultural attitudes and sensitive issues like sexuality, abortion and contraception.
Forming attitudes and beliefs
Young people can be exposed to a wide range of attitudes and beliefs in relation to sex and sexuality. These sometimes appear contradictory and confusing. For example, some health messages emphasis the risks and dangers associated with sexual activity and some media coverage promotes the idea that being sexually active makes a person more attractive and mature. Because sex and sexuality are sensitive subjects, young people and sex educators can have strong views on what attitudes people should hold, and what moral framework should govern people's behaviour - these too can sometimes seem to be at odds. Young people are very interested in the moral and cultural frameworks that binds sex and sexuality. They often welcome opportunities to talk about issues where people have strong views, like abortion, sex before marriage, lesbian and gay issues and contraception and birth control. It is important to remember that talking in a balanced way about differences in opinion does not promote one set of views over another, or mean that one agrees with a particular view. Part of exploring and understanding cultural, religious and moral views is finding out that you can agree to disagree.
Attempts to impose narrow moralistic views about sex and sexuality on young people through sex education have failed.
People providing sex education have attitudes and beliefs of their own about sex and sexuality and it is important not to let these influence negatively the sex education that they provide. For example, even if a person believes that young people should not have sex until they are married, this does not imply withholding important information about safer sex and contraception. Attempts to impose narrow moralistic views about sex and sexuality on young people through sex education have failed.11 12 Rather than trying to deter or frighten young people away from having sex, effective sex education includes work on attitudes and beliefs, coupled with skills development, that enables young people to choose whether or not to have a sexual relationship taking into account the potential risks of any sexual activity.
Effective sex education also provides young people with an opportunity to explore the reasons why people have sex, and to think about how it involves emotions, respect for one self and other people and their feelings, decisions and bodies. Young people should have the chance to explore gender differences and how ethnicity and sexuality can influence people's feelings and options. They should be able to decide for themselves what the positive qualities of relationships are. It is important that they understand how bullying, stereotyping, abuse and exploitation can negatively influence relationships.
So what information should be given to young people?
Young people get information about sex and sexuality from a wide range of sources including each other, through the media including advertising, television and magazines, as well as leaflets, books and websites (such as www.avert.org) which are intended to be sources of information about sex and sexuality. Some of this will be accurate and some inaccurate. Providing information through sex education is therefore about finding out what young people already know and adding to their existing knowledge and correcting any misinformation they may have. For example, young people may have heard that condoms are not effective against HIV/AIDS or that there is a cure for AIDS. It is important to provide information which corrects mistaken beliefs. Without correct information young people can put themselves at greater risk.
Information is also important as the basis on young people can developed well- informed attitudes and views about sex and sexuality. Young people need to have information on all the following topics:
1. Sexual development
2. Reproduction
3. Contraception
4. Relationships
They need to have information about the physical and emotional changes associated with puberty and sexual reproduction, including fertilisation and conception and about sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS. They also need to know about contraception and birth control including what contraceptives there are, how they work, how people use them, how they decide what to use or not, and how they can be obtained. In terms of information about relationships they need to know about what kinds of relationships there are, about love and commitment, marriage and partnership and the law relating to sexual behaviour and relationships as well as the range of religious and cultural views on sex and sexuality and sexual diversity. In addition, young people should be provided with information about abortion, sexuality, and confidentiality, as well as about the range of sources of advice and support that is available in the community and nationally.
Strarting sex education
It is important not to delay providing information to young people but to begin when they are young. Providing basic information provides the foundation on which more complex knowledge is built up over time. This also means that sex education has to be sustained. For example, when they are very young, children can be informed about how people grow and change over time, and how babies become children and then adults, and this provides the basis on which they understand more detailed information about puberty provided in the pre-teenage years. They can also when they are young, be provided with information about viruses and germs that attack the body. This provides the basis for talking to them later about infections that can be caught through sexual contact.
Providing basic information provides the foundation on which more complex knowledge is built up over time.
Some people are concerned that providing information about sex and sexuality arouses curiosity and can lead to sexual experimentation. There is no evidence that this happens. It is important to remember that young people can store up information provided at any time, for a time when they need it later on.
Sometimes it can difficult for adults to know when to raise issues, but the important thing is to maintain an open relationship with children which provides them with opportunities to ask questions when they have them. Parents and carers can also be proactive and engage young people in discussions about sex, sexuality and relationships. Naturally, many parents and their children feel embarrassed about talking about some aspects of sex and sexuality. Viewing sex education as an on-going conversation about values, attitudes and issues as well as providing facts can be helpful. The best basis to proceed on is a sound relationship in which a young person feels able to ask a question or raise an issue if they feel they need to. It has been shown that in countries like The Netherlands, where many families regard it as an important responsibility to talk openly with children about sex and sexuality, this contributes to greater cultural openness about sex and sexuality and improved sexual health among young people.
The role of many parents and carers as sex educators changes as young people get older and young people are provided with more opportunities to receive formal sex education through schools and community-settings. However, it doesn't get any less important. Because sex education in school tends to take place in blocks of time, it can't always address issues relevant to young people at a particular time, and parents can fulfill a particularly important role in providing information and opportunities to discuss things as they arise.
Who should provide sex education?
Different settings provide different contexts and opportunities for sex education. At home, young people can easily have one-to-one discussions with parents or carers which focus on specific issues, questions or concerns. They can have a dialogue about their attitudes and views. Sex education at home also tends to take place over a long time, and involve lots of short interactions between parents and children. There may be times when young people seem reluctant to talk, but it is important not to interpret any diffidence as meaning that there is nothing left to talk about. As young people get older advantage can be taken of opportunities provided by things seen on television for example, as an opportunity to initiate conversation. It is also important not to defer dealing with a question or issue for too long as it can suggest that you are unwilling to talk about it.
In school the interaction between the teacher and young people takes a different form and is often provided in organised blocks of lessons. It is not as well suited to advising the individual as it is to providing information from an impartial point of view. The most effective sex education acknowledges the different contributions each setting can make. Schools programmes which involve parents, notifying them what is being taught and when, can support the initiation of dialogue at home. Parents and schools both need to engage with young people about the messages that they get from the media, and give them opportunities for discussion.
In some countries, the involvement of young people themselves in developing and providing sex education has increased as a means of ensuring the relevance and accessibility of provision. Consultation with young people at the point when programmes are designed, helps ensure that they relevant and the involvement of young people in delivering programmes may reinforce messages as they model attitudes and behaviour to their peers.
Taking Sex Education Forward
The nature of a person's contribution depends on their relationship, role and expertise in relation to young people. For example, parents are best placed in relation to young people to provide continuity of individual support and education starting from early in their lives. School-based education programmes are particularly good at providing information and opportunities for skills development and attitude clarification in more formal ways, through lessons within a curriculum.
Community-based projects provide opportunities for young people to access advice and information in less formal ways. Sexual health and other health and welfare services can provide access to specific information, support and advice. Sex education through the mass media, often supported by local, regional or national Government and non-governmental agencies and departments, can help to raise public awareness of sex health issues.
Because sex education can take place across a wide range of settings, there are lots of opportunities to contribute.
Further development of sex education partly depends on joining up these elements in a coherent way to meet the needs of young people. There is also a need to pay more attention to the needs of specific groups of young people like young parents, young lesbian, gay and bisexual people, as well as those who may be out of touch with services and schools and socially vulnerable, like young refugees and asylum-seekers, young people in care, young people in prisons, and also those living on the street.
The circumstances and context available to parents and other sex educators are different from place to place. Practical or political realities in a particular country may limit people's ability to provide young people with comprehensive sex education combining all the elements in the best way possible. But the basic principles outlined here apply everywhere. By making our own contribution and valuing that made by others, and by being guided by these principles, we can provide more sex education that works and improve the support we offer to young people.
Effective school-based sex education
1. A focus on reducing specific risky behaviours;
2. A basis in theories which explain what influences people's sexual choices and behaviour;
3. A clear, and continuously reinforced message about sexual behaviour and risk reduction;
4. Providing accurate information about, the risks associated with sexual activity, about
contraception and birth control, and about methods of avoiding or deferring intercourse;
5. Dealing with peer and other social pressures on young people; Providing opportunities to
practise communication, negotiation and assertion skills;
6. Uses a variety of approaches to teaching and learning that involve and engage young people
and help them to personalise the information;
7. Uses approaches to teaching and learning which are appropriate to young people's age,
experience and cultural background;
8. Is provided by people who believe in what they are saying and have access to support in the
form of training or consultation with other sex educators.
Formal programmes with these elements have been shown to increase young people's levels of knowledge about sex and sexuality, put back the average age at which they first have sexual intercourse and decrease risk when they do have sex . All the elements are important and inter-related, and sex education needs to be supported by links to sexual health services, otherwise it is not going to be so effective . It also takes into account the messages about sexual values and behaviour young people get from other sources, like friends and the media. It is also responsive to the needs of the young people themselves - whether they are girls or boys, on their own or in a single sex or mixed sex group, and what they know already, their age and experiences.
Preventing To be infected HIV
HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) is the virus believed to cause AIDS. When someone has HIV (is HIV+), their body has a hard time fighting off infections and diseases. Anybody can get HIV.
You should know that at least 20% of people who find out they have AIDS are in their 20s. These people probably got HIV when they were in high school, because it can take years for an HIV+ person to develop AIDS.
HIV is transmitted from one person to another when certain body fluids are mixed-blood (including menstrual blood), semen, vaginal fluid, and breast milk.
This is how you can get HIV:
* having vaginal or anal "intercourse" without a condom
* licking someone's clit or dick without a condom or plastic wrap
* sharing needles
* from mother to child during pregnancy, birth, and breast feeding
* receiving a blood transfusion (luckily HIV is rarely transmitted this way anymore)
You can't get HIV from:
* kissing, sweat, tears
* hugging
* food
* toilet seats
* swimming pools
* giving blood
HIV is a virus, and viruses don't discriminate. It doesn't matter who you are -- gay, straight, or bisexual -- you can get HIV if you have unsafe sex.
What matters is how you do what you do.
There is no cure for AIDS, but there are treatments. People with AIDS often take a combination of prescription drugs that may reduce the amount of virus in their bodies. Taking the drugs as prescribed is important, as the virus can build resistance. No long-term information is known. Some people do not benefit from these treatments.
Virginity
Thank you, New York Times Magazine, for once again making my brain bleed during an otherwise serene Sunday brunch reading the newspaper. The offending article introduced me to a crew of abstinence advocates who have found that preaching to their sullied sisters about the preciousness of their long lost virginity doesn't effectively inspire cross-legged sexual gatekeeping. So, reading from their modesty magic book, college-age abstinence enthusiasts are attempting a religious sleight of hand and special incantation -- "abracadabra, make feminism appear!" If executed properly, their moral disapproval -- poof! -- disappears before our eyes, replaced by earnest concern about young women's empowerment.
The article focuses on two Ivy League student abstinence groups: Princeton's predominantly Catholic Anscombe Society and Harvard's True Love Revolution. Both groups have sought "credibility within the university at large" by avoiding religion-based arguments. As the Times tells it, these groups have worked backward, building an intellectual case to support their religious verdict. True Love Revolution in particular turned to "peer-reviewed journals and government sources for research that supported the abstinence view" and then published their findings on the group's Web site. To summarize: Pre-marital abstinence makes for a healthier and happier marriages, safe sex isn't actually safe, and early sexual activity leads to depression, cheating and poverty. Woo-hoo, way to go abstinence, right?
Except, uh, sexual health educators disagree with those assertions. "What is disturbing is that this club is using inaccurate information and distorted data to sell that message," says Martha Kempner, spokeswoman for the Sexuality Information and Education Council. "They're completely baseless claims."
But maybe they're hoping we'll forgive a few baseless, religiously-biased claims -- after all, abstinence advocates like Janie Fredell, co-president of True Love Revolution, say they ultimately have a secular, feminist focus! As the Times notes, Fredell read Pope John Paul II's "Theology of the Body" alongside John Stuart Mill's "Subjection of Women." She knows all about the wage gap, forced sterilization and female genital mutilation! And, as she told the Times, she cares "deeply for women's rights."
I don't actually doubt that she does and there's at least one feminist thread in her thinking: Female and male sinners are equally in need of rescue. But while she rejects the role of "the meek little virgin female," she argues for women to return to their post as strict sexual gatekeepers. The only difference being that Fredell believes the latter is an empowering act of rebellion. As the Times puts it, Fredell "asserts control by choosing not to have sex -- by telling men, no, absolutely not."
Shocking as this news may be to some, feminism has nothing to do with broadly asserting control against men; they aren't the enemy! Refusing sex only means something for a woman's personal power if she doesn't want to have sex. But Fredell doesn't care about women making their own decisions about whether or not to have sex before marriage, she simply wants them to make the same decision she has made. She defines female empowerment along her own very personal and religious terms. Fredell can call herself a feminist all she wants, but the only woman she's truly defending is herself
Sex Toys
They always can be ordered by post, moreover they aren't considered anymore to be a sexual pervert prerogative. Thousands of people buy and use them for the purpose of self-satisfaction or for the satisfaction during the coitus. It's important that sex shops and catalogues do not offer their products anymore as the help for onanists. At the very beginning of sex toys appearance, in the middle of seventies, every direction for vibrator use contained the following information: It can help you to relax and to relieve the muscular stress. But in the pictures there was a woman that massaged shoulders, malleolus and even cheeks. Oh, God! Save us from the thought of its penetration into her vagina!!!
Masturbation is no longer a generally recognized vice. Self-stimulation is not only innocuous, but even useful. No one has problems with the head from onanism yet. Masturbation helps both women and men to get rid of stress and loneliness. Also it lets you learn much more about your own body and sexuality. If you really know what you love during masturbation you can easily explain your partner what type of stimulation of genitals he should choose to satisfy you. The results of it: you derive pleasure from it, and he gains an experience and self-confidence as a subtle lover! As you know sex can solve any problem between man and woman. So, diversify your sexual life using sex toys!!!
Sex and Mysterious G-spot
All of us know that proper stimulation of erogenous zones is extremely important for achieving orgasm. Generally speaking, each of us knows what erogenous zones are and where they can be found. Most people interested in sex theory and practice are aware of the fact that there is some mysterious zone in female body called the G spot, which if stimulated properly provides a very intensive orgasm.
The G-spot is a quite often discussed nowadays, but in spite of this topic's popularity almost no one can explain what this miraculous zone is and how it should be stimulated. Let us try to lift the veil of secrecy from this recently discovered erogenous zone.
The G-spot was discovered in the forties of the previous century by famous German gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg. However, this discovery had been unnoticed for quite considerable amount of time. Only in the eighties of the 20-th century when American sexologists repeatedly found this female erogenous zone and acknowledged its existence, this topic began being discussed by scientists. Many doctors still deny this spot’s existence, whereas other ones give extremely discrepant information on the G-spot function and location.
So, according to today's scientific data, the G-spot lies behind the front wall of the vagina. Depending on a woman's body individual features it can be placed within about 1-2 inches inside the vagina, sometimes even deeper. It is a tiny, bean-shaped area which when stimulated swells and becomes as big as a nubbin. Actually, the G-spot's size when aroused considerably varies from woman to woman (according to some data the G-spot can become as big as a button). The researches have shown that vaginal area where the G-spot lies is not quite sensitive; therefore quite intensive stimulation should be applied for search of this erogenous zone. Usually such stimulation is nearly impossible during usual intercourse that is why most women even do not suppose they have the G-spot which can provide them with a great enjoyment they never experienced before.
How to find the G-spot?
This is not quite easy when being calm and not aroused. If you want to find your partner’s G spot than you had better begin this quite difficult search during foreplay when your girlfriend is about to cum or has just orgasmed, i.e when her G-spot is swelled.
Your girlfriend should lie with her legs apart. Insert two fingers into the vagina and examine the area lying behind the pubic zone. Ask your partner suggest in what manner you should move your fingers. You must find a little solid nubbin approximately as big as a pea (it may be a little bigger) which when pressed might cause discomfort in the woman. Such sensations quite soon turn into increasing arousal which usually results in a very strong orgasm.
How to stimulate the G-spot?
The G-spot is quite difficult to stimulate effectively during usual intercourse, unless the male partner has a little crooked penis.
Usually horsewoman position is recommended for a better G-spot stimulation, because while performing intercourse in this position a woman can easily control her partner's motions.
However, the best effect is achieved when the G-spot is stimulated with help of specially designed sex toys.
All adult toys designed for the G-spot stimulation feature crooked shaft. Some of these toys for adults can be as thin as a pencil, whereas other ones are quite thick. They can be both short and long.
When choosing a G-spot adult toy you should take into consideration your own physiological features. You can choose a relatively long massager, if your G-spot is placed quite deeply, but if it is near the entrance to the vagina, than perhaps you should choose a shorter sex toy.
Do you need an intense stimulation? Than you had better choose a considerably bent vibrator, and on the contrary, those who prefer gentle stimulation should choose a slightly crooked G-spot massager.
The material your adult toy is made of is also very important. The massager can be made of plastic, metal or latex. Such a device can be used for less sensitive or deeply placed G spot. But if your G-spot is sensitive enough, than you had better get a softer vibrator, for example one made of silicone, or a so called jelly massager.
All G-spot vibrators feature a few speeds to help you choose a device suitable exactly for you.
Some men think that search of the G-spot is foolish and unnecessary. Is there any use persuading them that they are wrong?
It is known that men in most cases achieve orgasm, whereas almost no woman gets the desired pleasure every time she has sex, to say nothing of those who do not orgasm at all. Therefore everything that helps women enjoy sexual relationships must be applied by their loving partners. Women do deserve orgasms!
Sexual Fantasies
Women, in general, fantasize less than their male counterparts. Those women who do fantasize are typically less visual in their sexual fantasies, are usually less focused on genitals, and are more likely to construct a story with the emotional feelings of a romantic encounter. Women also tend to involve more olfactory and auditory memories... memories of smells and sounds. To be sure, however, there are women who masturbate to their fantasies, be they romantic or erotic.
Sexual fantasies can serve many purposes. They can induce sexual desire, maintain sexual arousal, enhance the sexual experience, trigger an orgasm, and preserve a memory.
The desire to be sexual is not something controlled by a switch and easily turned on following the eleven o'clock news. Many people, particularly as they age or as a relationship matures, find that the easy turn ons occur less frequently, particularly late at night. On those occasions when time is limited, fantasies can serve to focus attention on the anticipated erotic event and help induce the desire for sexual intimacy.
More than one person has told me, "I'm not able to get excited on a moment's notice. I need time to psych myself up." To induce desire, you can think ahead about what you would like to experience and what you and your partner will give and receive. Imagine the sexual encounter is your very first, but without those initial anxieties, and let it be, in your mind, a new and exciting adventure. Recall the good sexual feelings you have experienced and mentally reminisce about those most memorable past encounters. Conjure up the memory of a partner's warmth, softness, and gentle touch. See your partner's face in your mind's eye and recall that person's sounds of pleasure and the aroma of their excitement. Include only the graphic images you are comfortable with.
Desire can be induced mutually throughout the day, with, for example, a phone call to say, "I've been thinking of your wonderful body." The mid-day message, "You won't believe what I want to do to you tonight," might stir the erotic imagination of both partners, causing each to spend the day thinking of the possibilities in store for that night.
For those without a partner, fantasies during the day can become the prelude for an episode of self-loving that evening. Self-stimulation, the normal, natural way of experiencing solitary pleasure, is a healthy outlet for many who are alone. Fantasy during the day can certainly prepare you for the quiet celebration of your own sexual response.
Most of us have had the experience of beginning a sexual encounter, only to find our minds wandering off to the worries of the day or the pressing issues of tomorrow. Erotic fantasy can maintain arousal by pushing away the intrusive nonsexual thoughts. When distractions hit, we need only focus on a pleasant sexual memory or project an exciting visual image on our mental movie screen. Fantasies can be of our current sexual partner, but often they will revolve around persons from the past, coworkers, movie stars, or attractive strangers. Bringing others into fantasies is normal and is justified if it serves the current relationship by eliminating distractions that would otherwise dampen or destroy the passion. Obviously, if someone feels guilty about including others in his or her fantasy script, they should be left out. Some people like a cast of thousands, while others want to focus exclusively on their current partner.
Many people worry about their fantasies being too "kinky", but such fantasies are really quite common. Unusual fantasies can help maintain arousal and are harmless if there is no compulsion to actually experience an act that would be emotionally or physically harmful to oneself or to others. Whereas honesty is usually the best policy, discretion must be used in the sharing of some unusual fantasies or fantasies involving other people. It is rare that a couple can share such deep, dark, private thoughts without, at best, a little discomfort. Too often the reaction upon hearing a partner's most kinky fantasy is one of jealousy or distrust, if not anger and disgust.
One woman playfully imagined that her partner's penis was enormous, and reported how she would visualize engulfing this gigantic imaginary erection into her body. In her mind she would privately marveled at her vagina's ability to swallow up this massive tool. She quickly acknowledged, however, that she had no desire to experience anything that large in real life, but she did enjoy embellishing her fantasy with the thoughts of dressing this impressive male member in doll's clothing and taking it for walks in the park. During her sexual encounters, this fantasy helped rivet her attention on the pleasure she was feeling from the very adequate, reasonably-sized penis of her partner.
One night, this woman decided that it would be fun to share her giant penis fantasy with her partner. To her utter surprise, the man was devastated upon hearing her playful musings! He began worrying that she had been with men who had larger penises than his, fearing that these well-endowed men must have please her more than he could ever hope to do. He erroneously assumed that she could not enjoy his average-sized penis, and began to feel totally inadequate as her lover. Fearing he could not satisfy this woman, he backed off sexually. When he did try, he felt self-conscious and, as a result, often failed to become erect. This, of course, led to more avoidance and self-degradation.
In couples therapy this man worked on understanding that his partner's fantasy had nothing to do with his genital size or sexual performance, but made their shared intimacy more exciting for her. In our last therapy session he began laughing and, when questioned, shared his own "pet" fantasy. He had for many years fantasized he was making love to a virgin and that her vagina was the town's tightest. Both agreed that they loved each other, loved the sexuality they shared, and would never again ask about the private fantasies each used to dispel the occasional intruding distractions. The also learned that in reality, tight vaginas and large penises are immaterial when a relationship is based on love and mutual respect.
The consequences of disclosure were more serious for another couple. The man fantasized about having sex with his wife's younger married sister. While he found the sister attractive, he had no illusions about her commitment to her husband and would never, in reality, make a pass at her. When he shared his fantasy, however, his wife expressed anger and disbelief. She became extremely uncomfortable whenever her sister was around and believed that she had to watch them both closely for any signs of subtle flirtation. Angry that she now felt distrusting, not only of her husband, but of her sister as well, she chose to end her marriage with the man rather than further damage her relationship with her sister. The fantasy proved to be too close, too personal, and too threatening.
Many shared fantasies, however, enhance desire and maintain arousal. One night a man entered a singles bar, propped himself up on a bar stool and slowly rotated, carefully surveying the women around him. Apparently no one caught his eye, so he turned his back on the scene and sipped quietly on his drink. About fifteen minutes later, a woman walked in. As her eyes adjusted to the darkened room, she also scrutinized the crowd. She wandered around a bit, being careful not to make eye contact with any of the men scattered around the room. After a few minutes of aimless wandering, she moved up beside the man who was seemingly intent on nursing his drink. Sliding between him and the person sitting next to him, she leaned toward the bar to catch the bartender's attention. As she did, the man felt her breast brush lightly across his arm, but he did not look her way.
After being served, the woman stepped back, drink in hand, and stood behind the man. Aware of her presence, the man turned and looked into her eyes. His unoriginal inquiry, "Do you come her very often?" was met with an abrupt, "No!" As he turned toward her, his leg came to rest against her thigh. She made no attempt to avoid the contact, but waited for him to continue his attempt to initiate conversation. Awkwardly he asked, "What do you do for fun?" Both grinned at her response, "I pick up strange men in singles bars." At this point the drink he had been nursing so patiently was gulped down in record time and he asked her to dance. She played at being reluctant, but allowed him to convince her. On the dance floor, they danced as though each was covered by porcupine quills and a large man on a Harley-Davidson could have driven between them. As they continued to dance, however, they moved closer until, from a distance, it looked as though their bodies had blended into one.
As they left together he asked, "Shall we take your car or mine?" Again giggling, they took his car to the nearest motel, where he produced a bottle of wine from an ice bucket on the back seat. Ralph and Mary, who had been married for three years, were acting out their shared fantasy. Once in the room, Mary enticed Ralph into seducing her slowly, pretending uncertainty. "I really don't know if I should!" she said coyly as he pretended clumsiness, fumbling to unbutton her blouse and acting bewildered by the complexities of the one-handed unsnapping of a push-up bra.
During their lovemaking, Mary intentionally cried out, "Oh Bill, you make me feel so good," and in the morning, Ralph pretended to have completely forgotten her name. It was a night not soon forgotten, providing the erotic content for many fantasies that followed.
Novelty can get lost in long-term relationships. When a couple becomes comfortable and familiar with each other sexually, they often forget to be romantic. The entire sexual scenario might become routine, taking place at the same time of the day, in the same location, and all too often in a hurry to completion. While it might be impractical for most of us to make love on a beach, in fantasy we can imagine the sound of the ocean, the warmth of the sand beneath our body, and the excitement of making love under the stars. Perhaps yours will be a fantasy of making love in the woods, or in an old barn, or in the backseat of a car you had as a teenager.
Some fantasies can be acted out, e.g., a pick up in a grocery store. But most fantasies are just private thoughts that need not have a complex storyline, or a cast of hundreds. Working too hard at building a sexual fantasy can become a distraction, defeating one of its purposes. The best fantasies are often quite simple and tied in with pleasant memories. Often it is visual, creating a mental image of a part of the partner's body that is pleasing to look at, but impossible to see in the dark or in a particular position. At times words can be added to the fantasy while forming the mental image "I love your buns."
Special fantasies can be saved for those times when an orgasm is a bit elusive. These favorites can often add the final bit of excitement needed to trigger a powerful climax. Search your inventory of fantasies. Is there one that is particularly powerful? A favorite that is best saved for the climax? If you discover that you have a trigger fantasy, use it sparingly so as not to wear it out. When you are close to orgasm and hovering on the brink, call up that trigger.
It is nice in the afterglow of a loving and lustful encounter to snuggle together and reminisce. Images of the encounter can then be stored for later retrieval to induce desire, maintain arousal, or even trigger an orgasm. Fantasies serve many functions from getting started to getting finished. Remember, sexual fantasies before, during and after a sexual encounter are normal, natural and often helpful in changing a routine experience into a new and exciting event.
By Robert W. Birch, Ph.D.
Dangers of Anal Sex
Unprotected anal sex is a high risk activity regardless of sexual orientation. Research suggests that although gay men are more likely to engage in anal sex, heterosexual couples are more likely not to use condoms when doing so.
Anal sex is more risky than vaginal, since being very thin tissues of anus and rectum can be easily damaged during such sex activities as anal intercourse or use of anal toys. Even slight injuries can become "open gates" for various bacteria and viruses, including HIV. This implies that anal sex does require some certain safety measures. First of all, any partners who practice anal sex should be aware of the necessity of using a condom. The condom must be put on properly, otherwise it does not provide reliable protection. Users should keep in mind that oil-based lubricants damage latex. For this reason water-based lubricants should be used for anal sex. Those who have allergy to latex should consider use of non-latex condoms, for instance polyurethane condoms that are compatible with both oil-based and water-based lubricants.
Condoms should also be used with sex toys. Through putting a condom on the sex toy a user provides better hygiene and prevents transmission of infections if the sex toy is shared. Cleaning of anal sex toys is also a very important matter as many anal sex toys are made of porous materials. Pores retain viruses and bacteria. For this reason users should clean anal toys (plugs, anal vibrators) thoroughly, preferably with use of special sex toy cleaners. Glass sex toys are more preferred for sexual uses because of their non-porus nature and ability to be sterilized between uses.
Oral Sex and HIV
HIV can pose a small risk for both the active (person giving the oral stimulation) and receptive (person receiving oral stimulation) partner.
Transmission from an HIV positive receptive partner to an HIV negative active partner may occur when the active partner gets sexual fluid (semen or vaginal fluid) or blood (from menstruation or a wound somewhere in the genital or anal region) into a cut, sore, ulcer or area of inflammation somewhere in their mouth or throat. The linings of the mouth and throat are very resistant to viral infections such as HIV, so infection is unlikely if they are healthy.
Transmission from an HIV positive active partner to an HIV negative receptive partner is generally believed to be less common. This is because HIV is normally only present in saliva in very low levels that are not sufficient to cause infection. The only risk in this scenario would be from bleeding wounds or gums in the HIV positive person’s mouth or on their lips, which may transfer blood onto the mucous membranes of the other person’s genitals or anus, or into any cuts or sores they may have. Hepatitis C can also be transmitted this way.
What is the risk of HIV transmission via oral sex?
The risk of HIV transmission from an infected partner through oral sex is much smaller than the risk of HIV transmission from anal or vaginal sex. Because of this, measuring the exact risk of HIV transmission as a result of oral sex is very difficult. In addition, since most sexually active individuals practice oral sex in addition to other forms of sex (such as vaginal and/or anal sex) when transmission occurs, it is difficult to determine whether or not it occurred as a result of oral sex or other more risky sexual activities. Finally, several co-factors can increase the risk of HIV transmission through oral sex, including oral ulcers and wounds, bleeding gums, genital sores, genital or oral piercings, and the presence of other STDs.
When scientists describe the risk of transmitting an infectious disease, like HIV, the term "theoretical risk" is often used. Very simply, "theoretical risk" means that passing an infection from one person to another is possible, even though there may not yet be any actual documented cases. "Theoretical risk" is not the same as likelihood. In other words, stating that HIV infection is "theoretically possible" does not necessarily mean it is likely to happen - only that it might. Documented risk, on the other hand, is used to describe transmission that has actually occurred, been investigated, and documented in the scientific literature.
Various scientific studies have been performed around the world to try and document and study instances of HIV transmission through oral sex. A programme in San Francisco studied 198 people, nearly all gay or bisexual men. The subjects stated that they had only had oral sex for a year, from six months preceding the six-month study to its end. 20 per cent of the study participants (39 people) reported performing oral sex on partners they knew to be HIV positive. 35 of those did not use a condom and 16 reported swallowing cum. No one became HIV positive during the study, although the small number of participants performing oral sex on HIV positive partners meant the researchers could only say that there was a less than 2.8 per cent chance of infection through oral sex over a year.1 In 2000, a different San Francisco study of gay men who had recently acquired HIV infection found that 7.8 per cent of these infections were attributed to oral sex.2 However, the results of the study have since been called into question due to the reliability of the participants' data.
Measuring the exact risk of HIV transmission as a result of oral sex is very difficult.
In June 2002, a study conducted amongst 135 HIV negative Spanish heterosexuals, who were in a sexual relationship with a person who was HIV positive, reported that over 19,000 instances of unprotected oral sex had not led to any cases of HIV transmission.3 The study also looked at contributing factors that could affect the potential transmission of HIV through oral sex. They monitored viral load and asked questions such as whether ejaculation in the mouth occurred and how good oral health was. Amongst HIV positive men, 34 per cent had ejaculated into the mouths of their partners. Viral load levels were available for 60 people in the study, 10 per cent of whom had levels over 10,000 copies. Nearly 16 per cent of the HIV positive people had CD4 counts below 200. The study, conducted over a ten year period between 1990 and 2000, adds to the growing number of studies which suggest varying levels of risk of HIV transmission from oral sex when compared to anal or vaginal intercourse.
At the 4th International Oral AIDS Conference held in South Africa, the risk of transmission through oral sex was estimated to be approximately 0.04 per cent per contact.4 This percentage figure is a lot lower than the two American figures, because this figure is a risk per contact percentage, whereas the other figures are percentage risks over much longer time periods. Oral sex is still regarded as a low-risk sexual activity in terms of HIV transmission, but only when more work is done will we be clearer as to the risks of oral sex.
While it is very difficult to ever know how HIV transmission occurred, according to a factsheet on oral sex produced by the CDC in 20005, there have been a few documented cases of transmission during oral sex. These have occurred in both receptive and active partners during fellatio, cunnilingus and anilingus.
The already low risk of becoming infected with HIV from oral sex can be reduced still further by using condoms. Flavoured condoms are available for those who don’t like the taste of latex or spermicide. For cunnilingus or anilingus, plastic food wrap, a condom cut open, or a dental dam (a thin square of latex) can serve as a physical barrier to prevent transmission of HIV and many other STDs
7.4.08
Perubahan Kelamin Laki-laki Menjelang Dewasa
a. Tanda perubahan kelamin primer
Tanda perubahan kelamin primer dimulai dengan berfungsinya organ-organ genetal yang ada, baik di dalam maupun di luar badan atau berfungsinya organ tertentu yang erat kaitannya dengan persetubuhan dan proses reproduksi.
Perubahan ini jika terjadi pada laki-laki ditandai dengan mulai keluarnya air mani (sperma) saat mimpi basah. Sedangkan pada perempuan ditandai dengan menarche atau haid pertama kali. Mulai berfungsinya organ seksual tersebut akan diikuti dengan kesiapan organ tersebut untuk membuahi dan dibuahi (hamil).
b. Tanda perubahan organ sekunder
Kelamin sekunder adalah organ tubuh tertentu yang tidak ada hubungannya dengan proses pembuahan atau proses reproduksi. Pada laki-laki perubahan ini ditandai dengan:
1. Perubahan suara (membesar dan sedikit parau).
2. Bidang bahu melebar.
3. Sering mimpi basah.
4. "Perubahan" penis jika ada rangsangan seksual.
5. Mulai tumbuh bulu-bulu pada organ tertentu (ketiak, dada dan sekitar kelamin).
Sedangkan pada perempuan, perubahan organ sekunder ini ditandai dengan:
1. Suara lebih bagus (halus).
2. Kulit muka dan sekitar badan halus dan kencang.
3. Bidang bahu mengecil, sedangkan bidang pinggul membesar.
4. Buah dada mulai membesar.
5. Tumbuh bulu-bulu di sekitar ketiak dan alat kelamin.
6. Alat kelamin membesar dan mulai berfungsi.
c. Tanda perubahan pada organ tertier
Tanda perubahan organ tertier ini ada hubungannya dengan psikis. Yaitu laki-laki nampak kelelakiannya dan wanita nampak kewanitaannya dalam segala gerak tubuhnya. Intinya laki-laki dan perempuan memiliki kekhasan tersendiri yang bisa membedakan keduanya.
Secara garis besar perubahan organ ini pada laki-laki adalah ada kecenderungan untuk menarik lawan jenis (aktif) dan kecenderungan untuk hubungan seksual. Sedangkan pada perempuan sebaliknya, ia cenderung pasif tapi tetap ingin diperhatikan lawan jenisnya.
Sumber Masalah Seks Remaja
Perilaku negatif remaja terutama hubungannya dengan penyimpangan seksualitas, pada dasarnya bukan murni tindakan diri mereka saja, melainkan ada faktor pendukung atau mempengaruhi dari luar (faktor eksternal). Faktor-faktor yang menjadi sumber penyimpangan tersebut adalah:
Pertama, kualitas diri remaja itu sendiri seperti, perkembangan emosional yang tidak sehat, mengalami hambatan dalam pergaulan sehat, kurang mendalami norma agama, ketidakmampuan mempergunakan waktu luang, tidak mampu dalam mengatasi masalah sendiri, berada dalam kelompok yang tidak baik, dan memiliki kebiasaan negatif terutama di rumah atau kurang disiplin dalam menjalani kehidupan di rumah.
Kedua, kualitas lingkungan keluarga yang tidak mendukung anak untuk berlaku baik seperti, anak kurang bahkan tidak mendapatkan kasih-sayang berarti akibat kesibukan kedua orangtua di luar rumah, dan pergeseran norma keluarga dalam mengembangkan norma positif seperti tidak adanya pendidikan dan kebiasaan melakukan norma agama. Di samping itu keluarga tidak memberikan arahan tantang seks yang sehat.
Ketiga, kualitas lingkungan yang kurang sehat, seperti lingkungan yang tidak ada pengajian agama dan lingkungan masyarakat yang telah mengalami kesenjangan komunikasi (gap) antar tetangga.
Keempat, minimnya kualitas informasi yang masuk pada remaja sebagai akibat globalisasi. Akibatnya anak remaja sangat kesulitan atau jarang mendapatkan informasi sehat dalam hal seksualitas. Bahkan justru media massa kini terutama media remaja cenderung mengutamakan bisnis dengan lebih banyak mengekspose seksualitas yang tidak sehat dengan mengesampingkan pendidikan moral.
Dengan demikian, penyimpangan seksual remaja sampai kapan pun akan tetap menggejala sebelum terpecahkan empat masalah tersebut di atas. Terutama kehidupan agama di lingkungan keluarga, mengingat masalah masyarakat berawal dari masalah di keluarga.
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