Clearly there are no rules, only what lovers have known since Antony and Cleopatra: "Pay attention, be kind, and be loving". But the following Top Ten List might be a useful reminder! Enjoy!
1. Guys: Great sex starts in the kitchen! Wash the dishes, take out the trash, give her a break, let her know she's appreciated. Romance and exhaustion do not mix -- think about it! (Besides, standing there, side by side, washing and drying those dishes, hands could get to roamin' and motors could get to tickin' ...the most amazing things do happen!)
2. Gals: Tell that old fool just exactly what you've been waiting for! Most males are notoriously poor mind readers, they just don't "get it". So tell him! "A little softer" or "let me show you" goes much further than, "How come you never know what I want?"
3. Guys: Take time! Sex is about fun, relaxation, laughter and love -- this is not a competition or a 50-yard dash to the finish line! Start slow, let it build, then finish strong. A glass of wine, maybe some music, a backrub, even a few minutes of silence can shift the mood and make things verrrry interesting!!
4. Gals: Make Time! How often does sex happen last thing at night, with two exhausted people trying to find each other in the dark? Or, first thing in the morning, half asleep, with bad breath? If sex is important, why not treat it like getting your haircut or picking the kids up after school? In other words, schedule time, put it on the calendar and treat it as a key part of keeping yourself and the family running smoothly.
5. Guys: Think about your 4th date with the woman you love, after you were well acquainted but everything still felt new and exciting. Remember thinking about it, scheduling it, making dinner reservations? Remember being on time? Did you bring flowers, maybe plan something romantic or special? Remember taking a shower and using cologne? Well, guess what -- she's still special and she's still waiting!
6. Gals: If you want great sex, seduce him! This is not rocket science! Most guys are sooooo easy. They're "visual" -- show him what he likes. They're easily flattered -- whisper what he wants to hear. Touch him right there, or if you prefer, right THERE!!! Tease him, just don't be a tease.
7. Guys: Surprise her. Women love that. And, the beauty is, almost anything will work. Surprise her with flowers, with a card, get a baby-sitter for the evening, put a note on the windshield of her car. Even surprise her by cleaning the bathroom! Almost anything will work, just be kind, be gentle, and put a little thought into it.
8. Gals: With all the talk about "size", remember that a man's biggest sex organ is his imagination -- so use your own! Everyone has fantasies -- some romantic, some kinky, maybe even a few that are slightly dangerous or outrageous. What are yours? And, what are his? Why not play dress-up? Why not go on a date with someone "new"?
9. Guys: I just told the gals you have a great imagination -- don't make me a liar! Use it! How long has it been since you had sex in the back seat of a Ford? Would she enjoy a date with a spy? Being seduced by a plumber or "the cable guy"? Is your shower big enough for two? Ever done it at the office -- how about her office?
10. Gals: Take time to add variety and spice with tasteful magazines, toys, movies and beautiful lingerie. For most people (including men) pornography quickly turns into a turn-off, but a little satin and lace, maybe some sensual pictures or using common household items in a whole new way can sure add delight to the old routine. Explore, experiment, lock the bedroom door and play some brand new games! As they say, "Just do it!"
20.4.08
Safe Sex
Nobody has a body to die for. Safe sex is always better! It's fun, and you don't have to worry as much.
Safe sex means making sure you don't get anyone else's blood, semen, vaginal fluids, or breast milk in your body -- and protecting your partners too! Condoms, latex surgical gloves, and plastic wrap are the only ways to protect yourself and your partner from STDs and HIV, but they're not foolproof. You've got to use them correctly every time you have sex.
The best condoms for anal and vaginal intercourse are lubricated latex condoms. We do not recommend lambskin condoms because they don’t block HIV and STDs. Polyurethane condoms are good, but may not protect as well as latex (they are still being tested). If you're allergic to latex, please see "Trouble Shooting." Using lubricant will make things go smoother and give you added protection. Lube is especially great for women the first time you have intercourse, or if you tend to get sore. But always use a water-based lube (such as KY Jelly, Astroglide, Aqua Lube, Wet, Foreplay, or Probe). Oil breaks latex. Don't use vaseline, hand creams or lotions as a lubricant. Also, treatments for yeast infections contain oil and will break latex. Oil is good for salads and cars, not for sex! You can buy water-based lube and condoms at the drugstore.
Always use a condom
If you're going to suck your partner's dick (blowjob), put a condom on it first. Try non-lubricated or flavored condoms for this. Whatever you do, don't get semen (cum) in your mouth, because you could get an STD or HIV that way. If you have a sore throat or small cuts on your gums (say from brushing your teeth), there's a risk of HIV going from the semen into your blood stream.
If you're doing someone with a sex toy -- vegetable, dildo, vibrator, or whatever -- put a condom on that thing! Don't switch the toy from butthole to vagina, or from one person's body to another, until you put a new condom on it.
Some people think that putting on a condom is too much work when you're supposed to be having fun. But it's easy for condoms to be really fun and erotic. Be creative!
Get ready. Make sure your condoms are fresh -- check the expiration date. Throw away condoms that have expired, been very hot, carried around in your wallet, or washed in the washer. If you think the condom might not be good, get a new one. You and your partner are worth it.
That dick has to be hard before you put a condom on it.
Open it. Tear open the package carefully, so you don't rip the condom. Careful if you use your teeth.
If the penis is uncut (uncircumcised), pull the foreskin back first.
Make sure the condom is right side out. It's like a sock: there's a right side and wrong side. First unroll it about half an inch to see in which direction it is unrolling. Then put it on. It should unroll easily down your dick. If you start off wrong, try again with a new condom. You'll see when you practice.
Hold the top half-inch of the condom between your fingers when you roll it down. This keeps out air bubbles, which can cause the condom to break. It also leaves a space at the end for the cum.
Roll the condom down as far as it will go. It should reach the base of the penis near the balls
For anal intercourse, use lots of lube. Water-based lube is great for vaginal intercourse, too. Put the lube on after you put on the condom, not before -- the condom could slip off. Add more lube often. Dry condoms break more easily.
Guys -- when you pull out hold the condom near your balls so it doesn't slip off. Try to pull out while you're still hard. Take the condom off only after you are completely out of your partner.
Throw out the used condom right away. Use a condom only once. Never use the same condom for vaginal and anal intercourse. Never use a condom that has been in, or used by someone else. Never cum more than once in the same condom.
Guys, practice putting on a condom in a comfortable place where you have plenty of time by yourself. You know what we mean! Practice makes perfect, and you'll impress your partner. Girls, practice putting a condom on a banana.
Safe sex means making sure you don't get anyone else's blood, semen, vaginal fluids, or breast milk in your body -- and protecting your partners too! Condoms, latex surgical gloves, and plastic wrap are the only ways to protect yourself and your partner from STDs and HIV, but they're not foolproof. You've got to use them correctly every time you have sex.
The best condoms for anal and vaginal intercourse are lubricated latex condoms. We do not recommend lambskin condoms because they don’t block HIV and STDs. Polyurethane condoms are good, but may not protect as well as latex (they are still being tested). If you're allergic to latex, please see "Trouble Shooting." Using lubricant will make things go smoother and give you added protection. Lube is especially great for women the first time you have intercourse, or if you tend to get sore. But always use a water-based lube (such as KY Jelly, Astroglide, Aqua Lube, Wet, Foreplay, or Probe). Oil breaks latex. Don't use vaseline, hand creams or lotions as a lubricant. Also, treatments for yeast infections contain oil and will break latex. Oil is good for salads and cars, not for sex! You can buy water-based lube and condoms at the drugstore.
Always use a condom
If you're going to suck your partner's dick (blowjob), put a condom on it first. Try non-lubricated or flavored condoms for this. Whatever you do, don't get semen (cum) in your mouth, because you could get an STD or HIV that way. If you have a sore throat or small cuts on your gums (say from brushing your teeth), there's a risk of HIV going from the semen into your blood stream.
If you're doing someone with a sex toy -- vegetable, dildo, vibrator, or whatever -- put a condom on that thing! Don't switch the toy from butthole to vagina, or from one person's body to another, until you put a new condom on it.
Some people think that putting on a condom is too much work when you're supposed to be having fun. But it's easy for condoms to be really fun and erotic. Be creative!
Get ready. Make sure your condoms are fresh -- check the expiration date. Throw away condoms that have expired, been very hot, carried around in your wallet, or washed in the washer. If you think the condom might not be good, get a new one. You and your partner are worth it.
That dick has to be hard before you put a condom on it.
Open it. Tear open the package carefully, so you don't rip the condom. Careful if you use your teeth.
If the penis is uncut (uncircumcised), pull the foreskin back first.
Make sure the condom is right side out. It's like a sock: there's a right side and wrong side. First unroll it about half an inch to see in which direction it is unrolling. Then put it on. It should unroll easily down your dick. If you start off wrong, try again with a new condom. You'll see when you practice.
Hold the top half-inch of the condom between your fingers when you roll it down. This keeps out air bubbles, which can cause the condom to break. It also leaves a space at the end for the cum.
Roll the condom down as far as it will go. It should reach the base of the penis near the balls
For anal intercourse, use lots of lube. Water-based lube is great for vaginal intercourse, too. Put the lube on after you put on the condom, not before -- the condom could slip off. Add more lube often. Dry condoms break more easily.
Guys -- when you pull out hold the condom near your balls so it doesn't slip off. Try to pull out while you're still hard. Take the condom off only after you are completely out of your partner.
Throw out the used condom right away. Use a condom only once. Never use the same condom for vaginal and anal intercourse. Never use a condom that has been in, or used by someone else. Never cum more than once in the same condom.
Guys, practice putting on a condom in a comfortable place where you have plenty of time by yourself. You know what we mean! Practice makes perfect, and you'll impress your partner. Girls, practice putting a condom on a banana.
Safe Your Self
Sex isn't the only way you can get HIV. Another way is through sharing needles (syringes). But those who shoot drugs can still protect themselves from HIV. The best thing to do is to USE A CLEAN NEEDLE AND WORKS (cotton, cooker, spoon, etc.) EVERY TIME! Don't share. And throw away used needles and works.
If you don't have any clean needles, try to find a clean-needle exchange program in your area (check Resources for Drug/Needle Exchange). As a last resort, you can clean your needles and works with bleach and water. Here's how:
Step 1: Fill syringe with water.
Step 2: Shake it up to rinse it. Tap it to get out air bubbles.
Step 3: Shoot the water out. Dump out this water. Repeat steps 2 and three until you can't see
any blood.
Step 4: Pour some bleach into a glass. Stick the needle in the bleach and draw the bleach through
the syringe up to the top. Leave the needle in the glass of bleach and wait 30 seconds.
Step 5: Shoot the bleach back into the glass. Dump out this glass of bleach so you won't reuse it.
Step 6: Fill the syringe again with new water, shoot it out and repeat at least 3 times to make
sure you rinse all the bleach out. Shooting bleach into your veins can cause serious
medical problems.
If you don't have new works, do the same thing with them-rinse with water, soak in bleach for 30 seconds, then rinse THOROUGHLY with water.
And always use new cotton. Try to clean needles & works as soon after use as possible, before blood can clot on them
If you don't have any clean needles, try to find a clean-needle exchange program in your area (check Resources for Drug/Needle Exchange). As a last resort, you can clean your needles and works with bleach and water. Here's how:
Step 1: Fill syringe with water.
Step 2: Shake it up to rinse it. Tap it to get out air bubbles.
Step 3: Shoot the water out. Dump out this water. Repeat steps 2 and three until you can't see
any blood.
Step 4: Pour some bleach into a glass. Stick the needle in the bleach and draw the bleach through
the syringe up to the top. Leave the needle in the glass of bleach and wait 30 seconds.
Step 5: Shoot the bleach back into the glass. Dump out this glass of bleach so you won't reuse it.
Step 6: Fill the syringe again with new water, shoot it out and repeat at least 3 times to make
sure you rinse all the bleach out. Shooting bleach into your veins can cause serious
medical problems.
If you don't have new works, do the same thing with them-rinse with water, soak in bleach for 30 seconds, then rinse THOROUGHLY with water.
And always use new cotton. Try to clean needles & works as soon after use as possible, before blood can clot on them
Alternative to Safe Sex
One way to avoid the risks associated with sexual contact is to abstain from sexual activity entirely, which nearly eliminates the chances of contracting STDs (the only alternative methods of infection being non-sexual as described below).
Some groups, notably some American evangelical Christians and the Roman Catholic Church oppose sex outside marriage, and object to safe-sex education programs because they believe that providing such education promotes promiscuity. Virginity pledges and sexual abstinence education programs are often promoted in lieu of contraceptives and safe-sex education programs. This can place some teenagers at higher risk of unintended pregnancy and STDs, because up to 60 percent of teenagers who pledge virginity until marriage do engage in pre-marital sex and are then one-third less likely to use contraceptives than their peers who have received more conventional sex education.
STDs may also be transmitted through non-sexual means. Thus, abstinence from sexual behavior does not guarantee complete protection against STDs. For example, HIV may be transmitted through contaminated needles used in tattooing, body piercing, or injections. Medical or dental procedures using contaminated instruments can also spread HIV, while some health-care workers have acquired HIV through occupational exposure to accidental injuries with needles.
Some groups, notably some American evangelical Christians and the Roman Catholic Church oppose sex outside marriage, and object to safe-sex education programs because they believe that providing such education promotes promiscuity. Virginity pledges and sexual abstinence education programs are often promoted in lieu of contraceptives and safe-sex education programs. This can place some teenagers at higher risk of unintended pregnancy and STDs, because up to 60 percent of teenagers who pledge virginity until marriage do engage in pre-marital sex and are then one-third less likely to use contraceptives than their peers who have received more conventional sex education.
STDs may also be transmitted through non-sexual means. Thus, abstinence from sexual behavior does not guarantee complete protection against STDs. For example, HIV may be transmitted through contaminated needles used in tattooing, body piercing, or injections. Medical or dental procedures using contaminated instruments can also spread HIV, while some health-care workers have acquired HIV through occupational exposure to accidental injuries with needles.
Sex Education
Sex education, which is sometimes called sexuality education or sex and relationships education, is the process of acquiring information and forming attitudes and beliefs about sex, sexual identity, relationships and intimacy. Sex education is also about developing young people's skills so that they make informed choices about their behaviour, and feel confident and competent about acting on these choices. It is widely accepted that young people have a right to sex education, partly because it is a means by which they are helped to protect themselves against abuse, exploitation, unintended pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases and HIV/AIDS.
What are the aims of sex education?
Sex education seeks both to reduce the risks of potentially negative outcomes from sexual behaviour like unwanted or unplanned pregnancies and infection with sexually transmitted diseases, and to enhance the quality of relationships. It is also about developing young people's ability to make decisions over their entire lifetime. Sex education that works, by which we mean that it is effective, is sex education that contributes to this overall aim.
What skills should sex education develop?
If sex education is going to be effective it needs to include opportunities for young people to develop skills, as it can hard for them to act on the basis of only having information.
The kinds of skills young people develop as part of sex education are linked to more general life-skills. For example, being able to communicate, listen, negotiate, ask for and identify sources of help and advice, are useful life-skills and can be applied in terms of sexual relationships. Effective sex education develops young people's skills in negotiation, decision-making, assertion and listening. Other important skills include being able to recognise pressures from other people and to resist them, deal with and challenge prejudice, seek help from adults - including parents, carers and professionals - through the family, community and health and welfare services. Sex education that works, also helps equip young people with the skills to be able to differentiate between accurate and inaccurate information, discuss a range of moral and social issues and perspectives on sex and sexuality, including different cultural attitudes and sensitive issues like sexuality, abortion and contraception.
Forming attitudes and beliefs
Young people can be exposed to a wide range of attitudes and beliefs in relation to sex and sexuality. These sometimes appear contradictory and confusing. For example, some health messages emphasis the risks and dangers associated with sexual activity and some media coverage promotes the idea that being sexually active makes a person more attractive and mature. Because sex and sexuality are sensitive subjects, young people and sex educators can have strong views on what attitudes people should hold, and what moral framework should govern people's behaviour - these too can sometimes seem to be at odds. Young people are very interested in the moral and cultural frameworks that binds sex and sexuality. They often welcome opportunities to talk about issues where people have strong views, like abortion, sex before marriage, lesbian and gay issues and contraception and birth control. It is important to remember that talking in a balanced way about differences in opinion does not promote one set of views over another, or mean that one agrees with a particular view. Part of exploring and understanding cultural, religious and moral views is finding out that you can agree to disagree.
Attempts to impose narrow moralistic views about sex and sexuality on young people through sex education have failed.
People providing sex education have attitudes and beliefs of their own about sex and sexuality and it is important not to let these influence negatively the sex education that they provide. For example, even if a person believes that young people should not have sex until they are married, this does not imply withholding important information about safer sex and contraception. Attempts to impose narrow moralistic views about sex and sexuality on young people through sex education have failed.11 12 Rather than trying to deter or frighten young people away from having sex, effective sex education includes work on attitudes and beliefs, coupled with skills development, that enables young people to choose whether or not to have a sexual relationship taking into account the potential risks of any sexual activity.
Effective sex education also provides young people with an opportunity to explore the reasons why people have sex, and to think about how it involves emotions, respect for one self and other people and their feelings, decisions and bodies. Young people should have the chance to explore gender differences and how ethnicity and sexuality can influence people's feelings and options. They should be able to decide for themselves what the positive qualities of relationships are. It is important that they understand how bullying, stereotyping, abuse and exploitation can negatively influence relationships.
So what information should be given to young people?
Young people get information about sex and sexuality from a wide range of sources including each other, through the media including advertising, television and magazines, as well as leaflets, books and websites (such as www.avert.org) which are intended to be sources of information about sex and sexuality. Some of this will be accurate and some inaccurate. Providing information through sex education is therefore about finding out what young people already know and adding to their existing knowledge and correcting any misinformation they may have. For example, young people may have heard that condoms are not effective against HIV/AIDS or that there is a cure for AIDS. It is important to provide information which corrects mistaken beliefs. Without correct information young people can put themselves at greater risk.
Information is also important as the basis on young people can developed well- informed attitudes and views about sex and sexuality. Young people need to have information on all the following topics:
1. Sexual development
2. Reproduction
3. Contraception
4. Relationships
They need to have information about the physical and emotional changes associated with puberty and sexual reproduction, including fertilisation and conception and about sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS. They also need to know about contraception and birth control including what contraceptives there are, how they work, how people use them, how they decide what to use or not, and how they can be obtained. In terms of information about relationships they need to know about what kinds of relationships there are, about love and commitment, marriage and partnership and the law relating to sexual behaviour and relationships as well as the range of religious and cultural views on sex and sexuality and sexual diversity. In addition, young people should be provided with information about abortion, sexuality, and confidentiality, as well as about the range of sources of advice and support that is available in the community and nationally.
What are the aims of sex education?
Sex education seeks both to reduce the risks of potentially negative outcomes from sexual behaviour like unwanted or unplanned pregnancies and infection with sexually transmitted diseases, and to enhance the quality of relationships. It is also about developing young people's ability to make decisions over their entire lifetime. Sex education that works, by which we mean that it is effective, is sex education that contributes to this overall aim.
What skills should sex education develop?
If sex education is going to be effective it needs to include opportunities for young people to develop skills, as it can hard for them to act on the basis of only having information.
The kinds of skills young people develop as part of sex education are linked to more general life-skills. For example, being able to communicate, listen, negotiate, ask for and identify sources of help and advice, are useful life-skills and can be applied in terms of sexual relationships. Effective sex education develops young people's skills in negotiation, decision-making, assertion and listening. Other important skills include being able to recognise pressures from other people and to resist them, deal with and challenge prejudice, seek help from adults - including parents, carers and professionals - through the family, community and health and welfare services. Sex education that works, also helps equip young people with the skills to be able to differentiate between accurate and inaccurate information, discuss a range of moral and social issues and perspectives on sex and sexuality, including different cultural attitudes and sensitive issues like sexuality, abortion and contraception.
Forming attitudes and beliefs
Young people can be exposed to a wide range of attitudes and beliefs in relation to sex and sexuality. These sometimes appear contradictory and confusing. For example, some health messages emphasis the risks and dangers associated with sexual activity and some media coverage promotes the idea that being sexually active makes a person more attractive and mature. Because sex and sexuality are sensitive subjects, young people and sex educators can have strong views on what attitudes people should hold, and what moral framework should govern people's behaviour - these too can sometimes seem to be at odds. Young people are very interested in the moral and cultural frameworks that binds sex and sexuality. They often welcome opportunities to talk about issues where people have strong views, like abortion, sex before marriage, lesbian and gay issues and contraception and birth control. It is important to remember that talking in a balanced way about differences in opinion does not promote one set of views over another, or mean that one agrees with a particular view. Part of exploring and understanding cultural, religious and moral views is finding out that you can agree to disagree.
Attempts to impose narrow moralistic views about sex and sexuality on young people through sex education have failed.
People providing sex education have attitudes and beliefs of their own about sex and sexuality and it is important not to let these influence negatively the sex education that they provide. For example, even if a person believes that young people should not have sex until they are married, this does not imply withholding important information about safer sex and contraception. Attempts to impose narrow moralistic views about sex and sexuality on young people through sex education have failed.11 12 Rather than trying to deter or frighten young people away from having sex, effective sex education includes work on attitudes and beliefs, coupled with skills development, that enables young people to choose whether or not to have a sexual relationship taking into account the potential risks of any sexual activity.
Effective sex education also provides young people with an opportunity to explore the reasons why people have sex, and to think about how it involves emotions, respect for one self and other people and their feelings, decisions and bodies. Young people should have the chance to explore gender differences and how ethnicity and sexuality can influence people's feelings and options. They should be able to decide for themselves what the positive qualities of relationships are. It is important that they understand how bullying, stereotyping, abuse and exploitation can negatively influence relationships.
So what information should be given to young people?
Young people get information about sex and sexuality from a wide range of sources including each other, through the media including advertising, television and magazines, as well as leaflets, books and websites (such as www.avert.org) which are intended to be sources of information about sex and sexuality. Some of this will be accurate and some inaccurate. Providing information through sex education is therefore about finding out what young people already know and adding to their existing knowledge and correcting any misinformation they may have. For example, young people may have heard that condoms are not effective against HIV/AIDS or that there is a cure for AIDS. It is important to provide information which corrects mistaken beliefs. Without correct information young people can put themselves at greater risk.
Information is also important as the basis on young people can developed well- informed attitudes and views about sex and sexuality. Young people need to have information on all the following topics:
1. Sexual development
2. Reproduction
3. Contraception
4. Relationships
They need to have information about the physical and emotional changes associated with puberty and sexual reproduction, including fertilisation and conception and about sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS. They also need to know about contraception and birth control including what contraceptives there are, how they work, how people use them, how they decide what to use or not, and how they can be obtained. In terms of information about relationships they need to know about what kinds of relationships there are, about love and commitment, marriage and partnership and the law relating to sexual behaviour and relationships as well as the range of religious and cultural views on sex and sexuality and sexual diversity. In addition, young people should be provided with information about abortion, sexuality, and confidentiality, as well as about the range of sources of advice and support that is available in the community and nationally.
Strarting sex education
Sex education that works starts early, before young people reach puberty, and before they have developed established patterns of behaviour. The precise age at which information should be provided depends on the physical, emotional and intellectual development of the young people as well as their level of understanding. What is covered and also how, depends on who is providing the sex education, when they are providing it, and in what context, as well as what the individual young person wants to know about.
It is important not to delay providing information to young people but to begin when they are young. Providing basic information provides the foundation on which more complex knowledge is built up over time. This also means that sex education has to be sustained. For example, when they are very young, children can be informed about how people grow and change over time, and how babies become children and then adults, and this provides the basis on which they understand more detailed information about puberty provided in the pre-teenage years. They can also when they are young, be provided with information about viruses and germs that attack the body. This provides the basis for talking to them later about infections that can be caught through sexual contact.
Providing basic information provides the foundation on which more complex knowledge is built up over time.
Some people are concerned that providing information about sex and sexuality arouses curiosity and can lead to sexual experimentation. There is no evidence that this happens. It is important to remember that young people can store up information provided at any time, for a time when they need it later on.
Sometimes it can difficult for adults to know when to raise issues, but the important thing is to maintain an open relationship with children which provides them with opportunities to ask questions when they have them. Parents and carers can also be proactive and engage young people in discussions about sex, sexuality and relationships. Naturally, many parents and their children feel embarrassed about talking about some aspects of sex and sexuality. Viewing sex education as an on-going conversation about values, attitudes and issues as well as providing facts can be helpful. The best basis to proceed on is a sound relationship in which a young person feels able to ask a question or raise an issue if they feel they need to. It has been shown that in countries like The Netherlands, where many families regard it as an important responsibility to talk openly with children about sex and sexuality, this contributes to greater cultural openness about sex and sexuality and improved sexual health among young people.
The role of many parents and carers as sex educators changes as young people get older and young people are provided with more opportunities to receive formal sex education through schools and community-settings. However, it doesn't get any less important. Because sex education in school tends to take place in blocks of time, it can't always address issues relevant to young people at a particular time, and parents can fulfill a particularly important role in providing information and opportunities to discuss things as they arise.
Who should provide sex education?
Different settings provide different contexts and opportunities for sex education. At home, young people can easily have one-to-one discussions with parents or carers which focus on specific issues, questions or concerns. They can have a dialogue about their attitudes and views. Sex education at home also tends to take place over a long time, and involve lots of short interactions between parents and children. There may be times when young people seem reluctant to talk, but it is important not to interpret any diffidence as meaning that there is nothing left to talk about. As young people get older advantage can be taken of opportunities provided by things seen on television for example, as an opportunity to initiate conversation. It is also important not to defer dealing with a question or issue for too long as it can suggest that you are unwilling to talk about it.
In school the interaction between the teacher and young people takes a different form and is often provided in organised blocks of lessons. It is not as well suited to advising the individual as it is to providing information from an impartial point of view. The most effective sex education acknowledges the different contributions each setting can make. Schools programmes which involve parents, notifying them what is being taught and when, can support the initiation of dialogue at home. Parents and schools both need to engage with young people about the messages that they get from the media, and give them opportunities for discussion.
In some countries, the involvement of young people themselves in developing and providing sex education has increased as a means of ensuring the relevance and accessibility of provision. Consultation with young people at the point when programmes are designed, helps ensure that they relevant and the involvement of young people in delivering programmes may reinforce messages as they model attitudes and behaviour to their peers.
It is important not to delay providing information to young people but to begin when they are young. Providing basic information provides the foundation on which more complex knowledge is built up over time. This also means that sex education has to be sustained. For example, when they are very young, children can be informed about how people grow and change over time, and how babies become children and then adults, and this provides the basis on which they understand more detailed information about puberty provided in the pre-teenage years. They can also when they are young, be provided with information about viruses and germs that attack the body. This provides the basis for talking to them later about infections that can be caught through sexual contact.
Providing basic information provides the foundation on which more complex knowledge is built up over time.
Some people are concerned that providing information about sex and sexuality arouses curiosity and can lead to sexual experimentation. There is no evidence that this happens. It is important to remember that young people can store up information provided at any time, for a time when they need it later on.
Sometimes it can difficult for adults to know when to raise issues, but the important thing is to maintain an open relationship with children which provides them with opportunities to ask questions when they have them. Parents and carers can also be proactive and engage young people in discussions about sex, sexuality and relationships. Naturally, many parents and their children feel embarrassed about talking about some aspects of sex and sexuality. Viewing sex education as an on-going conversation about values, attitudes and issues as well as providing facts can be helpful. The best basis to proceed on is a sound relationship in which a young person feels able to ask a question or raise an issue if they feel they need to. It has been shown that in countries like The Netherlands, where many families regard it as an important responsibility to talk openly with children about sex and sexuality, this contributes to greater cultural openness about sex and sexuality and improved sexual health among young people.
The role of many parents and carers as sex educators changes as young people get older and young people are provided with more opportunities to receive formal sex education through schools and community-settings. However, it doesn't get any less important. Because sex education in school tends to take place in blocks of time, it can't always address issues relevant to young people at a particular time, and parents can fulfill a particularly important role in providing information and opportunities to discuss things as they arise.
Who should provide sex education?
Different settings provide different contexts and opportunities for sex education. At home, young people can easily have one-to-one discussions with parents or carers which focus on specific issues, questions or concerns. They can have a dialogue about their attitudes and views. Sex education at home also tends to take place over a long time, and involve lots of short interactions between parents and children. There may be times when young people seem reluctant to talk, but it is important not to interpret any diffidence as meaning that there is nothing left to talk about. As young people get older advantage can be taken of opportunities provided by things seen on television for example, as an opportunity to initiate conversation. It is also important not to defer dealing with a question or issue for too long as it can suggest that you are unwilling to talk about it.
In school the interaction between the teacher and young people takes a different form and is often provided in organised blocks of lessons. It is not as well suited to advising the individual as it is to providing information from an impartial point of view. The most effective sex education acknowledges the different contributions each setting can make. Schools programmes which involve parents, notifying them what is being taught and when, can support the initiation of dialogue at home. Parents and schools both need to engage with young people about the messages that they get from the media, and give them opportunities for discussion.
In some countries, the involvement of young people themselves in developing and providing sex education has increased as a means of ensuring the relevance and accessibility of provision. Consultation with young people at the point when programmes are designed, helps ensure that they relevant and the involvement of young people in delivering programmes may reinforce messages as they model attitudes and behaviour to their peers.
Taking Sex Education Forward
Providing effective sex education can seem daunting because it means tackling potentially sensitive issues. However, because sex education comprises many individual activities, which take place across a wide range of settings and periods of time, there are lots of opportunities to contribute.
The nature of a person's contribution depends on their relationship, role and expertise in relation to young people. For example, parents are best placed in relation to young people to provide continuity of individual support and education starting from early in their lives. School-based education programmes are particularly good at providing information and opportunities for skills development and attitude clarification in more formal ways, through lessons within a curriculum.
Community-based projects provide opportunities for young people to access advice and information in less formal ways. Sexual health and other health and welfare services can provide access to specific information, support and advice. Sex education through the mass media, often supported by local, regional or national Government and non-governmental agencies and departments, can help to raise public awareness of sex health issues.
Because sex education can take place across a wide range of settings, there are lots of opportunities to contribute.
Further development of sex education partly depends on joining up these elements in a coherent way to meet the needs of young people. There is also a need to pay more attention to the needs of specific groups of young people like young parents, young lesbian, gay and bisexual people, as well as those who may be out of touch with services and schools and socially vulnerable, like young refugees and asylum-seekers, young people in care, young people in prisons, and also those living on the street.
The circumstances and context available to parents and other sex educators are different from place to place. Practical or political realities in a particular country may limit people's ability to provide young people with comprehensive sex education combining all the elements in the best way possible. But the basic principles outlined here apply everywhere. By making our own contribution and valuing that made by others, and by being guided by these principles, we can provide more sex education that works and improve the support we offer to young people.
The nature of a person's contribution depends on their relationship, role and expertise in relation to young people. For example, parents are best placed in relation to young people to provide continuity of individual support and education starting from early in their lives. School-based education programmes are particularly good at providing information and opportunities for skills development and attitude clarification in more formal ways, through lessons within a curriculum.
Community-based projects provide opportunities for young people to access advice and information in less formal ways. Sexual health and other health and welfare services can provide access to specific information, support and advice. Sex education through the mass media, often supported by local, regional or national Government and non-governmental agencies and departments, can help to raise public awareness of sex health issues.
Because sex education can take place across a wide range of settings, there are lots of opportunities to contribute.
Further development of sex education partly depends on joining up these elements in a coherent way to meet the needs of young people. There is also a need to pay more attention to the needs of specific groups of young people like young parents, young lesbian, gay and bisexual people, as well as those who may be out of touch with services and schools and socially vulnerable, like young refugees and asylum-seekers, young people in care, young people in prisons, and also those living on the street.
The circumstances and context available to parents and other sex educators are different from place to place. Practical or political realities in a particular country may limit people's ability to provide young people with comprehensive sex education combining all the elements in the best way possible. But the basic principles outlined here apply everywhere. By making our own contribution and valuing that made by others, and by being guided by these principles, we can provide more sex education that works and improve the support we offer to young people.
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